Wednesday morning...4 am...puking. I NEED Phenergan. If you have a headache, you take Tylenol right? Why not take something that can make you stop puking? So, I wait (not so patiently) until 6 am when Dr. Turd usually wakes up. Please, please, please...I'm dying. Need miracle drug! Dr. Turd obliges in my request. Thank GOD for 24 hour pharmacy.
Phenergan on board!! Good to go right! Wrong. Dear Husband, skips into the bathroom, brushes teeth and is off to work. Seriously. No offer to be late to take kids to school, no offer to call someone to help. Nothing. Off to work. Well... I can't take kids to school because I can't move more than 2 feet from the toilet. I crawl to the living room. Girls are entertaining Cooper who's in his high chair. They're such good girls! Dad lives close, so Dad and Brenda (Lifesavers!!) come and rescue the kids from me.
Kids gone, I'm home...alone. Wait, what is that tightness in my chest? Wait, why do I feel a little wheezy??? Holy Crap! God hates me. Me: Um..I think I'm having an allergic reaction. Dr. Turd: Do you have any benedryl? Me: NO! Dr. Turd: Where do you live?
Knock on the front door. My land-lady is there with the plumber to check for a water leak. Seriously. I'm not leaving the bathroom. Starting to feel a little light headed. Heart racing. Karen shows up with benedryl. I chew up two and shove the wad under my tongue. Mouth and throat go numb. Why did no one warn me of this? Start to feel faint, really tight chest. "We gotta go Karen!!"
Karen whips into the ambulance bay at Jones. She runs out of the car, banging on the door to open. I casually walk to the regular ER entrance. The registration clerk looks at me strangely and opens the door to the back. I find a nurse, and this is the sight she see's. I am foaming from the mouth pink stuff and talking with a very thick tongue because my mouth is numb. She looks and me and says "Why are you drooling?!!" "I pfthink I'm haffing an allergic reashun to Phenergan"
So, 2 giggly ER nurses get me hooked up, IV started (I did tell them that I hated them because they didn't numb me) Tagamet, prednisone, Zofran in. I'm feeling better. Dr. Turd is threatening to post this on utube. I threaten to kill him in his sleep. Turd admits me to the floor, so I can "rest" and get fluids. One of the S.E. of prednisone is insomnia. So, I am staring at the hospital walls. Nothing to do. Can't see. Left glasses at home. Going crazy! Then, I hear the Lullaby song. A baby is born. And that's why I do what I do!
Haven't blogged in over a year and 1/2!! Oh well, better start now!!
My mission today was to get the girls pre-school supplies bought. I would have bought them the day we were given the list in June. I remember being in school we had to wait until the day before school started and there was never anything good left. I want to be more organized and not stressed out about this sort of stuff. So, I finally got the dough from Daddy Warbucks, or Scrooge depending on how you look at it, and was able to complete the task at hand.
I started at Wal-Mart which is getting creepier and creepier everytime I go. Is there something in the water around here that demolishes the DNA? Does Wal-Mart attract the freak show rejects? I don't mean to sound harsh, but there has to be something to this. When Stephen King needs to get his creative juices flowing, he doesn't go hang around a cemetary at night, he goes to Wal-Mart.
I finished finding everything I needed at Target. Target feels like home to me. I love it there. It's calming. I think they burn incense in there or something. If they had groceries there, I would NEVER need to go to Wal-Mart.
When I was checking out I saw her. She was behind me, and in her cart were Halloween outfits. In my mind, I'm thinking, "It's August!", but my soul was saying "We've got to do that!" See, in my heart of hearts, I am an extremely organized on top of it all person. But when I go to execute these things, my brain messes up the communication from my heart and it usually is a mess. Add to that, being a studen bum with no funding, and it's a disaster. I became so jealous of her. I want to be doing that!
When I graduate, and have my own income, I'm going to be that Mom that buys Halloween costumes in August. I will Christmas shop all year round. I will recycle birthday sacks. I will send Birthday cards. I will have the Better Homes and Garden house, where everything has a place, and there's a place for everything. I will have my oil changed every 3K miles. I will work out 3 times a week. I will make time for relationships that are important, and try to forget about the ones that aren't anymore. I will make sure my children have an unforgettable childhood. I will talk to the Dr. about my possible ADD problem. So, what's keeping me from doing all of this now.....hmmmm?
I started at Wal-Mart which is getting creepier and creepier everytime I go. Is there something in the water around here that demolishes the DNA? Does Wal-Mart attract the freak show rejects? I don't mean to sound harsh, but there has to be something to this. When Stephen King needs to get his creative juices flowing, he doesn't go hang around a cemetary at night, he goes to Wal-Mart.
I finished finding everything I needed at Target. Target feels like home to me. I love it there. It's calming. I think they burn incense in there or something. If they had groceries there, I would NEVER need to go to Wal-Mart.
When I was checking out I saw her. She was behind me, and in her cart were Halloween outfits. In my mind, I'm thinking, "It's August!", but my soul was saying "We've got to do that!" See, in my heart of hearts, I am an extremely organized on top of it all person. But when I go to execute these things, my brain messes up the communication from my heart and it usually is a mess. Add to that, being a studen bum with no funding, and it's a disaster. I became so jealous of her. I want to be doing that!
When I graduate, and have my own income, I'm going to be that Mom that buys Halloween costumes in August. I will Christmas shop all year round. I will recycle birthday sacks. I will send Birthday cards. I will have the Better Homes and Garden house, where everything has a place, and there's a place for everything. I will have my oil changed every 3K miles. I will work out 3 times a week. I will make time for relationships that are important, and try to forget about the ones that aren't anymore. I will make sure my children have an unforgettable childhood. I will talk to the Dr. about my possible ADD problem. So, what's keeping me from doing all of this now.....hmmmm?
I've been meaning to do this for a while but I just haven't really had the heart. MySpace just isn't really the same without Cassandra. This is really how we kept in touch. I always knew what she was doing by her moods and status. Every day I think of things I want to tell her. Things the girls have done, something someone said in class or an improper use of your and you're. It still takes a little while for my brain to catch up with itself. Oh, yeah, she's gone.
The last 3 weeks have been filled with every emotion possible and right now I just really need to purge and get it all out of my head. I've started a hundred times to write this, but nothing I write seems to fit what's in my head. It's the stuff that Nicholas Sparks books are about. And then I remember that this would be the beginning of a Nicholas Sparks book, and that the book isn't finished yet. We're closing a chapter, but we're not done.
I loved her for so many reasons. First, because she loved my brother. Wholly, and completely loved him. She made him so happy, and he was everything to her. When Daniels appendix ruptured I kept in touch with her to let her know everything that was going on at the hospital. Chris had her on speaker phone when the doctor came out to tell us how the surgery went. This gurggling, squeeling noise came out of the phone. She was crying. It was the funniest thing, but I think she got mad because she thought we were making fun of her. It was just a funny non-human noise. Later on she thanked me for keeping her updated, and that Daniel was her world, and wouldn't know what to do if anything were to happen to him. I knew then that what they had was good.
I loved her for supporting me. She was excited for me to start nursing school. We would share school stories, and we both realized we've gotta get through the crap to get where we want to be.
I was proud to call her my sister-in-law. For about the last year I've been calling her that because they were practically married, and I got tired of saying my brothers girlfriend. I always joked because there was going to be a Dr. Crow, and anybody that knows our family knows what a strange juxtaposition that is.
Lately, my mind has been full of "what might have been". We had talked about wedding dresses, flowers, the cutest flower girls in the world, bridesmaid dresses, where the wedding was going to be, and Daniel and her had argued about colors. What do boys know about wedding colors anyway? I remember the look in Daniels eye when he told my Mom "You knows what happens after we get married right?". He was talking about more grandchildren for her.
Saturday night Daniel and her came over to show us the ring. She had a shirt on that said Got It!, but the O looked like a wedding ring. I asked her if she went and got a shirt made because she had finally gotten her ring. No, it was part of the wedding she was in that day. She had her hair done up, and was wearing the necklace from the wedding. I saw it on her finger before she said anything, but I was going to wait for her to tell us. I've not seen her that happy in a long time.
Here is where my mind has been truly cruel to me. We talked about where the wedding was going to be. She wanted Wynne Chapel, but she didn't know if she knew enough people to have it there. At her funeral, Wynne Chapel was packed. She said she wanted Stargazer Lillies, but real flowers were very expensive. There probably wasn't a Stargazer Lilly left in Grayson County after her funeral. Sunday afternoon, Mom and I were looking for flower girl dresses, and dresses for Mom to wear to the wedding. Tuesday afternoon, Mom and I were shopping for her a black dress.
I miss her dearly, and my heart is broken for my brother. Also, for George and Jeannette and Chris. You know in your mind that you are going to have to bury your parents. You've been preparing yourself your whole life for that moment. But you can not prepare to lose a child, your sister, or the love of your life. We will heal. Daniel will heal and move on in his life, but George and Jeannette do not get another daughter, and Chris does not get another sister.
There will always be a little place in my heart where Cassandra lives. It's decorated with pink and brown, and she and Gatsby are rockin' out to Journey.
The last 3 weeks have been filled with every emotion possible and right now I just really need to purge and get it all out of my head. I've started a hundred times to write this, but nothing I write seems to fit what's in my head. It's the stuff that Nicholas Sparks books are about. And then I remember that this would be the beginning of a Nicholas Sparks book, and that the book isn't finished yet. We're closing a chapter, but we're not done.
I loved her for so many reasons. First, because she loved my brother. Wholly, and completely loved him. She made him so happy, and he was everything to her. When Daniels appendix ruptured I kept in touch with her to let her know everything that was going on at the hospital. Chris had her on speaker phone when the doctor came out to tell us how the surgery went. This gurggling, squeeling noise came out of the phone. She was crying. It was the funniest thing, but I think she got mad because she thought we were making fun of her. It was just a funny non-human noise. Later on she thanked me for keeping her updated, and that Daniel was her world, and wouldn't know what to do if anything were to happen to him. I knew then that what they had was good.
I loved her for supporting me. She was excited for me to start nursing school. We would share school stories, and we both realized we've gotta get through the crap to get where we want to be.
I was proud to call her my sister-in-law. For about the last year I've been calling her that because they were practically married, and I got tired of saying my brothers girlfriend. I always joked because there was going to be a Dr. Crow, and anybody that knows our family knows what a strange juxtaposition that is.
Lately, my mind has been full of "what might have been". We had talked about wedding dresses, flowers, the cutest flower girls in the world, bridesmaid dresses, where the wedding was going to be, and Daniel and her had argued about colors. What do boys know about wedding colors anyway? I remember the look in Daniels eye when he told my Mom "You knows what happens after we get married right?". He was talking about more grandchildren for her.
Saturday night Daniel and her came over to show us the ring. She had a shirt on that said Got It!, but the O looked like a wedding ring. I asked her if she went and got a shirt made because she had finally gotten her ring. No, it was part of the wedding she was in that day. She had her hair done up, and was wearing the necklace from the wedding. I saw it on her finger before she said anything, but I was going to wait for her to tell us. I've not seen her that happy in a long time.
Here is where my mind has been truly cruel to me. We talked about where the wedding was going to be. She wanted Wynne Chapel, but she didn't know if she knew enough people to have it there. At her funeral, Wynne Chapel was packed. She said she wanted Stargazer Lillies, but real flowers were very expensive. There probably wasn't a Stargazer Lilly left in Grayson County after her funeral. Sunday afternoon, Mom and I were looking for flower girl dresses, and dresses for Mom to wear to the wedding. Tuesday afternoon, Mom and I were shopping for her a black dress.
I miss her dearly, and my heart is broken for my brother. Also, for George and Jeannette and Chris. You know in your mind that you are going to have to bury your parents. You've been preparing yourself your whole life for that moment. But you can not prepare to lose a child, your sister, or the love of your life. We will heal. Daniel will heal and move on in his life, but George and Jeannette do not get another daughter, and Chris does not get another sister.
There will always be a little place in my heart where Cassandra lives. It's decorated with pink and brown, and she and Gatsby are rockin' out to Journey.
