Hello everyone.  Welcome to group therapy.  Today's topic:  Back to school.  Gather 'round lets all cry or rejoice in the fact that our children are heading to or back to school.

This is my first back to school with the girl and pretty depressed about it.  I don't feel like we've done much this summer.  Actually the only "fun" thing we did was go to Hurricane Harbor and I'm really surprised we didn't come back with some sort of flesh eating bacteria.  I got to spend a lot of days with them though with my work schedule but I was so exhausted from working the day before that I didn't feel like I was really there.

This summer just sucked.  All of the "exciting changes" from May all turned out to be bombs.  Jeremy is back at the school district.  He was fortunate to be able to get his old job back.  I figured out that I was in a place...ummm....well....let me just say, I am not where I thought I would be at this point.  Things did not work out at the hospital and I now have a position back at an OB/GYN.  I'm excited about the position, but it comes with another problem.  It's 60 miles away which is the main reason I'm in a funk about school.

Last year I was able to drop the girls off at school or go to lunch with them every once in a while.  I could pick them up every Friday.  I loved my morning drop off time.  We had some pretty meaningful conversations on the way to school.  I loved kissing them and sending them off for a good day.  Now, they won't even be awake when I leave on most days. 

The job market for RN's in an OB/GYN office or for a new graduate in a hospital working with anything that has to do with OB is not real good these days and I couldn't really be picky on where I worked.  But, I was fortunate to find a neat office that is actually growing and seems to be lots of opportunities within the company.  It's bigger than what I've previously worked.  It just seems exciting.  BUT, its 60 miles away.

I'm 60 miles away from kids if something happens.  I spend two hours a day driving to and from work.  That's 2 hours extra away from my family each day.  What if I really like it though?  What sacrifice am I willing to make?  Do I sacrifice the time away from my family everyday or do I ask my family to sacrifice their comfortable, secure, familiar surroundings just so that I can be closer to work?  Do I stay in Sherman and take a job that I'm not as interested in in hopes of getting this family time back?  Could I force myself to love "dermatology"? I hate this pickle that I'm in.

Sometimes I'm really hard on myself for not making the hospital job work out.  Then I slap myself around and remind myself that it would not have worked.  Ever.  I really missed getting to KNOW my patients.  Seeing a patient for 12 hours AT NIGHT wasn't going to cut it for me.  You can't get to know people at night!  They're sleeping for cripes sakes!  And that was another problem.  They're all sleeping!!  Which means I have to find some way to keep myself busy for extended amounts of time each night.  I'm not the type of person that can be happy playing around on the internet or reading a book.  When I'm at work, I want to work.  My last job, I was SLAMMED all the time and I liked it.  My ADD liked it.  Just knowing that I would have "free time" at work each night gave me MAJOR anxiety.

Cooper turns 3 tomorrow.  Where did my little boy go?  Every day I look at him and he is becoming more of a boy and less of a baby.  He's started a new day care that has a lot more kids his own age and his vocabulary has really picked up.  He's still super sweet and cuddly and down right ornery.  He picks up every doodle bug he sees and carries it with him.  My car looks like a doodle bug graveyard and there's no telling how many I have washed in his short pockets.  And such a polite boy, always please and thank you and, bless you and excuse me.  Except when he toots and it's just HAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

He is my last baby.  Not that I in any way shape or form actually want another baby.  I do not want another baby.  I just wish I could have another day with my babies.  Listen to Sara's tiny baby yawns, Emily's baby screams, Coopers excited "grunts", the girls giggling at each other, singing "Banana Pancakes" to the girls when I would wake them up in the mornings, swaddling Emily and Sara SO TIGHT because it was the only way they would fall asleep and they had to sleep in the same crib, the smell of all of their little baby heads.

I'm just rambling now...Who's next?