I screamed in my kitchen this morning.  It was a scream of pure satisfaction.  It was a carnal scream.  You see, I had just tasted something that both filled the void within and also brought me back to my school days. 

Things are crappy for Christina right now.  When things get crappy, I like to eat.  Who doesn’t?  The more carbs, the better.  I swear somewhere there is a carbs:happiness ratio that has been developed by Frito Lay and Little Debbie to help silence that evil inner voice.  270 Cheese Puffs = forget that your checking account is depressing.  1 Box of Star Crunch = Forget that you’re practically unemployed.  1 can bean dip= silence the non-stop questions of a darling 6 year old.

I am healthy.  My family is healthy.  I am loved. The people that I love are here.  I have a roof over my head and groceries in the fridge (that is still working!)  Yes, according to Maslow, my needs are being met.  Some super annoying things are happening lately that are driving me to consume mass quantities. Let’s review:

1. Low census is wreaking havoc on my paycheck.  This is not a problem unique to just me.  Our entire unit is out.  I blame myself (not for the low census. That was a problem that started way before me) for accepting this job.  I knew that things were not going well before I took the job, but I did not know it was this bad.  This makes me very sad because this is a great group of ladies, and I enjoy working with all of them. 
2.  I’m out of honey roasted Peter Pan Peanut Butter.
3.  My phone is gone.  My LIFE was on that phone.  I had recently updated so most of the important stuff is backed up on my iTunes, but all of my pics and videos from Coldplay are gone!  I’m using Jeremy’s phone for now because you can’t be applying for jobs and NOT have a phone available.  “Please hire me, but I can’t be reached by phone right now.  Just throw up the Bat Signal and I’ll be on my way.” 
4. The dishwasher is broke.  There is water pooling in the bottom.  I’m not a plumber.  I have no idea what’s going on.  I do know that it does no smell yummy in there.  
5. My glasses are broke.  They will not stay on my head.  I have contacts but I swear they feel like wearing Saran Wrap on my eyeball.  
6.  My laptop will not stay connected to the internet.  There’s not a problem with my router because I can still get on wireless with the Wii and my phone. 
7.  I can’t find my car keys.  New Honda keys are about the price of my rent each month!!
8. STILL waiting on my GN permit and NCLEX ATT from the Board of Nursing.  This will make job hunting a lot easier.  I’m kinda stuck until I can prove I’m licensed.
   
   

I know this sounds horribly whiney but it’s what’s going on with us right now.  I love having the time off with the kids though.  I’m getting some cleaning done and getting rid of some stuff for when we make a move.  I don’t like feeling idle.  The last couple of years have been terribly busy, so I guess I should look at this as my time to slow down and enjoy not having to do anything!

So, back to my scream. I was feeling a bit nostalgic and remembered those Peanut Butter Bars that they used to serve at the schools.  Those would be my lunch most days, just those Peanut Butter Bars.  Then I remembered that I had seen someone had posted the recipe on Facebook.  I had all of the ingredients in my pantry, so I tried them out.  They were JUST like I remembered.  It was AMAZING! I am so glad my children will get to experience the greatness of the peanut butter bars since they can’t be served in the schools anymore.  I’m also thankful that we don’t have to worry about any allergies in our house.  Accept for our allergy to BS.

Big, big, big, big changes in the Shelton house lately.  Jeremy and I have both started new jobs. Jeremy left the school district after the 3rd consecutive year of PAY DECREASE.  We are sad about this because Jeremy truly enjoyed his job and those he worked with but could not deal with receiving less pay each year due to changes in insurance premiums.  We don't see ANY changes in that coming any time soon, so he decided it was time to move on.  It's something new for him and I hope he will enjoy it.

I started my full-time job at the hospital yesterday.  It has proved to be very difficult for me to leave my office job behind.  I've been with Dr. Cutler for almost 3 years and have gotten close to a lot of my patients.  We left a group practice and burnt our own trail and I feel a sort of protection over the thing that we all built together.  My work came home with me.  It was not uncommon to send an 8 o'clock text message to someone.  "Did you remember this? " or " You need to be there at 7:30am."  We all had a sense of ownership in what we were doing and we wanted to make sure we were doing right by our patients, by our co-workers and by ourselves.  They were part of my family.

Dr. Cutler taught me SO, SO, SO much.  And only half of it was work related.  You can't be around him without learning something.  Anyone that spends more than 30 seconds around him will leave with some sort of enrichment.  He has insane patience.  He always allowed me to put my education first even when it interrupted what I was doing for him.  He never gripped about any time that I was away from work because of school and even pushed me out the door a few times to go study.  He understood where I was going and why I was pushing myself so hard.  He had done it for himself a few years ago.

It's weird to say that one of my best friends is a 40-something year old gynecologist but he is.  He's family.  And like all families, we have argued and fought.  There were times that I didn't like him but I've always loved him.  I worry that he spends too much of himself for the cause.  Its what makes him a kick ass doctor but also what drains him.  Don't bother telling him that though because he's also hard headed.

I'm going to miss the relationships that you get to build with people when you're seeing them for 9 months! We get to know you, your husband, your mom, your best friend that comes to appointments with you.  We laugh and we cry together and we are all honored to be a part of one of the biggest milestones in your life.  I have been touched by so many patients.  Some of them touch my hearts and some of them stomp on my brain.

So, I would like to leave some words of wisdom and share some nuggets of information that I've learned while being an office OB/GYN nurse:

1.  Pregnancy sucks.  There is nothing that is remotely fun about being pregnant.  The only fun part of being pregnant is getting pregnant.  The fun stops there.  Well, hopefully it was fun.  For some people it might have been "Meh" and now you're stuck being pregnant.  You pee on yourself, you throw up, it hurts.  Pregnancy hurts.  If you didn't know that let me be the first to tell you.  Do you know why it hurts?  Because there is another human being that is growing inside of you! 

2.  Don't come up in my office with tattoos and 14 piercings talking about "I'm scared of needles!  Hold my hand!!" when I'm trying to draw your blood.  Believe me, this tiny blood draw is nothing compared to what's going to happen to you when that spawn has cooked long enough.

3.  Don't call the office saying you're cramping/contracting at 32 weeks and then show up with pee-pee that looks like beer (Raising my own hand, guilty as charged, bowing head in shame).  Your uterus gets pissed off when you don't water it. A pissed off uterus contracts.  Please spare yourself nasty looks and eye rolling from L&D nurses all over the country and hydrate yourself. 

4.  You don't get an ultrasound at every appointment and don't try to tell me that your insurance will pay for ultrasounds.  Insurance pays for MEDICALLY NECESSARY ULTRASOUNDS.  You are more than welcome to pay for a quick peek but trying to brow beat the poor MA into taking you to the sono room will only piss her off.  See number 2, she will be the one doing that. Which brings me to...

5.  Don't piss off the lady who is about to stick a needle in your arm.  I would have thought that was common sense, but apparently not.

6.  Don't go into long detail about what's going on with your who-ha to the receptionist.  You don't need to tell the person answering the phone that you haven't had a yeast infection this bad since the summer of '92 after that long weekend you had on your brand new boat that you got a good deal on at the boat show.  Be short and to the point.  If you feel that you need to be seen today, then make that known, or if you're not happy with the time frame of your appointment ask to speak with the MA.

7.  Do know why you are there.  There is nothing more annoying than asking why someone is there and they say "I don't know".  Don't look to your mommy for the answer either.  Your mommy is not the patient.  You are.  If you're old enough to be at GYN then you're old enough to answer questions.

8.  Your baby, that is still in the womb, will not choke on something that you eat.  That's all I have to say about that.

9.  If you have Medicaid don't come into the office with your nails and hair did, a Fendi purse, iPhone 4S, iPad, driving a nicer car than the doctor and a bad attitude.  Nothing infuriates those of us who are paying for you to have your baby than a sense of entitlement.  All of those things may have been a gift, and if that's so then you should be in a better mood!

Today is the last Friday of the school year and I'm as full of emotion now as I was the day they started.  Last summer was full of dread.  You know that your whole life as you know it is about to change with homework, new friends, new fears and all that.  It's the milestone that really sets in your mind that you don't have babies anymore, they're children.  My fears were multiplied by TWO!!  Now, I'm overwhelmed by how fast it has all gone and how much they have changed in the last 9 months.

I can not say how much I love Ms. Daniels.  She is exactly what Emily needed.  She is VERY creative and celebrated Emi's imagination.  She helped give Emily the tools she needed to take her stories out of her head and put them to paper.  She also recommended Emi for the kindergarten Challenge class which is an enrichment program for gifted and talented students.  This class helps students by bringing them into some deeper learning experiences, as well as expanding off of skills they learn in their home rooms.  I'm super proud of her for this because I was in Challenge classes in elementary school as well, and I remember those fun experiences and am so glad she will get to enjoy that too.  She tells us that Emily was a joy to have, but believe me when I say the joy was all ours.

Let me echo what I said for Emily, by saying that Mrs. Mazzant was EXACTLY what Sara needed.  Sara is easily distracted and can be easily wound up.  Mrs. Mazzant is quiet and loving and attentive.  When Sara started to slip with her numbers, Mrs. Mazzant found her a tutor to help.  She helped me realize and develop different teaching strategies with Sara.  I personally learn the same way Emily does: quick.  Sara doesn't.  She needs repetition and patience.  Mrs. Mazzant helped me with ways to help Sara.  Sara says daily how much she is going to miss her.  It often ends with both of us crying about it.

They have both made a lot of new friends this year that I hope we will stay in touch with through the summer.  Some days I hate living in this small town that I grew up in.  Most days though I think it's neat to see the kids of some of my friends growing up and thinking about us when we roamed these school halls.  That's usually when I start to freak out and start researching home schooling!

I'm very angry tonight.  I've already experienced shock and sadness, and now I'm in full blown anger.  Federal laws prohibit me from disclosing the details, but let me just say that I HATE cancer.  I hate it. 

I hate it's quietness.  I hate what it steals from families.  I hate that there is so much that we know, but still so far away from cures.  I hate that there might actually be cures and treatments but it can sometimes take up to 20 years for it to be approved by the FDA. 

I want to look at every cancer patient and promise them that they will be OK, but I can't.  I know that they might not be OK.  I know that if they survive, they will forever be changed.  I know that the life that they once knew or that they had hoped and dreamed for is not theirs anymore.  I hate it. 

Yesterday I conceded to being young and hip.  I resigned to the fact that I am neither of those things.  I am inching into middle age, and I have NEVER been hip.  It's amazing to have that weight lifted off my shoulders.  Such delusions of grandeur are never productive.  So, to help myself swallow that jagged little pill, I made a major purchase.  I bought a minivan. 

Yes, it is one of the AWESOME ones but it still doesn't change the fact that it is one of the things that I said I would NEVER do.  (I've stuck my foot in my mouth a lot lately with the NEVER things, ie: I would NEVER work for a place that involved any sort of nepotism (I am thoroughly enjoying this one.  Susan Alexander is AMAZING.  She is truly darling and I love her to PIECES!)  It's a Honda Odyssey.  It's beautiful, and big, and safe, and has BLUETOOTH and XM satellite radio (I choked up a little bit when I programmed the 90's station) and totally awesome back up camera!  How freakin' cool is THAT!  Tahoe didn't have THAT!  Pilot didn't have THAT!

Everyone has a seat.  It doesn't take 5 minutes to load everyone and find their seat belt plug in thingies.  I don't worry about the girls being in the third row because there is space between the third row and the back of the car.  It has 5 star crash ratings on front and rear collisions and safety features to boot.  Cooper doesn't kick the back of my seat when I'm driving. 

Buying the car was a nightmare.  Why can't you just go to a car dealership and they give you what you want.  If they can't do it, then they say no we can't do that.  Not, "Let me go get my manager, I don't know if we can do that, blah, blah, blah"  Three hours later, I had what I wanted.  Why couldn't we save my three hours and yours (you could have sold ANOTHER car in that time?) and just skip the BS and give me what I wanted?  I grew up in the car business.  I know how it works!  You can take a loss on a car in order to sell it and Honda will give you more incentives.  Its mid month and in the three hours that I've been here, no one has been in the finance office.  You're day is pretty crappy.  I do have a uterus but that doesn't make me stupid.  I fake my excitement, but not so deep down, it would not hurt me at all to walk away from this deal.  I don't care.  I know what I want and I'm. Not. Budging.  I'm still trying to decide which one is more painful: Buying a car or buying a house. 

So, should I buy kid name stickers for the back?  How about those stick figure people?  Too much?

Right now, I'm just a girl with an expensive camera and Photoshop.  Every once in a while I pull out the camera and shoot.  I haven't had the time lately to devote to learning the camera and the settings so I've mostly been shooting in Auto and Aperture Mode.  One of these years I will learn more though. Here are some of my recent pics that I'm pretty excited about.

I want to make the sky more blue, but don't have the patience to work with it right now.

I like this one for the B&W effect.  And the toothless grin.  I'm a sucka for toothless grins.

I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.....the dance.  I am disgruntled with the dance.  I love seeing Sara enjoy herself.  I love seeing her after all of the work is done.  But I absolutely detest and loathe getting her ready for a dance recital.

Today we had the dress rehearsal for the Christmas Recital tomorrow.  The dress rehearsal is at a nursing home.  Great.  Two of my *favorite* things in one place.  The dance and nursing homes.  The smell of hairspray and urine just flips my frickin' lid.  (The lesser PMSing side of Christina would like to express, that she thinks its a sweet idea to have the rehearsal at the nursing home.  I get a little weepy at the sparkling smiles from the octogenarians.)

I'm never on time to these things.  I woke up 3 hours early to get there by 9:45a.m.  I fed everyone breakfast and even did a little laundry.  I even had an entire hour scheduled out to deal with hair! It went a little something like this....

8:00a.m.  "Sara where's your tights?"  Found them with a GIANT runner down the leg.  Found last years tights and threw in the washer.

8:20a.m.  Start the hair.  Brush it out to the sounds of her wailing and screaming like I'm ripping her fingernails out.  Subconsciously thinking of cutting all of her hair off.  Hermione looks cute now, right?  Pull into a pony tail.  Bobby pin and hair spray a million fly away hairs into place.  Decide which looks worse?  A thousand pins or fly away hair?  Remove most of the pins and hair spray the crap out of it.  Twist pony tail into a bun and pin the crap out of it, to get it to stay in place.  Attach "fake hair".  (I am so mad at myself for this purchase.  It doesn't even match her natural hair color, but unless you're standing right next to her you can't tell.  And if you're going to judge me on the color of my child's fake hair then you can go....F) Hair is done.  Crap.  She's in a t-shirt.  Contemplate cutting the t-shirt off of her????

8:40a.m.  Cooper has now "downloaded" into his diaper big time and has hidden the wet wipes.  Spend 10 minutes trying to find wet wipes, changing his diaper, cleaning his hands because he wanted to "help".
8:50a.m. - 8:55 am.  Waiting for tights to dry.  They're only tights right, this shouldn't take too long.  Screw it.  I'll blow dry them.

9:00a.m  Tights on but she's whining because they're "wet".  I explain they're "damp", if she would like to know what wet tights really feel like, I could show her.  Have you ever done the splits on a wet football field?  Or peed on yourself during the high kick routine because you didn't have time to go to the restroom before half time? That's wet tights sister.

Costume on.  Here's the problem.  My Sara is tall.  She has long legs and a long torso.  Her costume was designed to fit someone about two inches shorter than her.  The top of it hit right at her "chi chi" level.  If she moved any it would move down and her chi chi's were out.  Poor girl.  I yanked and pulled and wedgied and pinned that stupid costume to spare her the nick name Janet Jackson.  Done.

 Balls!!  Why is the Mystery Machine on her arm!!  How in blue blazes am I going to get that OFF!!  Found box of alcohol pads I've had since doing the girls IVF cycle.  Luckily they weren't dried out and I was able to scrub off Scooby and the Gang, but left a giant red splotch.

Make Up and I've lost all complete sense of time.  Putting make up on her perfect skin feels like a crime.  Who cares if it looks good on stage?!  I think innocence and natural are far better.   Stupid  blood red lipstick is broke in half.  I don't have a lip brush.  How the crap am I going to do this?  It goes on messily and I use an alcohol pad make it look somewhat correctly applied and to not look like she applied it herself.

Herd the worms into the car and of course it's out of gas.  Of course at the gas station all of the pumps are full and I get behind the woman who is just sitting there.  She's not pumping.  She's just sitting there in her car.  Looking around.  I am very successful to suppress the slur of explicatives I want to spew but feel they would ruin the feel of the car as Emily and Sara are singing Jingle Bells in the back seat.  That's not festive talk.  Sputter down the road on fumes to the next gas station.

We make it to the rehearsal with 1 minute to spare.  Hurry up and wait because we're number 16.  Oh joy, and I get to do it all again tomorrow.