Sara. My Sawa. She woke me up this morning by shoving her arm in my face. "Momma, Momma......it hurts." Well of course it hurt. Her left wrist was red, puffy and had what looked like a 15 year olds greasy pimple in the middle of it. Spider bite. It had a temperature of 117 at least, so I called the Saturday clinic and asked who the doctor was today.

This is an important question. If I wasn't impressed with who the doc was today, I have been known to drive 30 miles to the kiddie doc-in-a-box. Dr. Kalil. Haven't met him yet, so looks like he will be having his audition today. We've had a hard time finding Dr. Jodies (that's Dr. Lipscomb for those of you not on the in) understudy. Can't stop the show if Dr. Jodies not in, so we'll try this guy out. (And gas is $3 a gallon.)

After prying Sara off the ceiling with promises of a shot free encounter we make it to the office. I can't help but become mesmerized by the card scanner at the receptions desk. I sneak a picture of it with my phone. I'm putting it on my wish list.

I can't help but listen to the other Mom that checked in after me. She's asking where the restroom is because her daughter just puked in the bushes outside. I unconsciously grab the alcohol gel out of my purse and give myself and B (Sara) a quick shower. We don't do vomit.

We escape the waiting room vomit free. Enter Dr. Kalil. He's South African. Others might think he's British, but I have a keen ear for accents so I was immediately entranced by him. I had to try hard not to speak in a British accent. I couldn't keep my brain from talking in an accent though. It was hard to process language for a while. My brain is speaking British English, must transfer to American English before it comes out of my mouth = lag time in Christina's speech. Dr. Kalil must think Christina is an idiot.

"So, Sara, what brings you here, or did you just come to see me?" Sara turns into catatonic feral child whose never been out of the house. She resorts to pointing and grunting. I explain about the spider bit and it's hideousness and how I'm surprised her arm hasn't fallen off already. About that time Sara raises her sleeve and there's........NOTHING. Nothing, but a little freckle. It's like when you take your car to shop for the "vibration in your rear-end" and it doesn't do anything. The clogged toilet that works fine when the plumber shows up.

I backpedal and try to explain what I saw this morning, but Dr Kalil pats me on the back and says "There's no need to explain, what you saw this morning alarmed you. Never feel sorry for bringing her in." He wins the part. He can be Dr. Jodie's understudy.

He finishes up the exam and asks me what I do. Ummm....I don't want to tell him. He'll think, no this will confirm, I'm an idiot. Now listen people, I'm a who-ha nurse and though I have been dealing in a lot of pediatric who-ha-ery lately it does not make me more conscious of pediatric issues. Pediatrics, that's Meredith. That's Leigh Ann. That's not me. Let's talk about hormones, bleeding and being pregnant. Pediatrics. I'm just going to go over here and scrub some specs and feel stupid.

"I'm a nurse." And I didn't even feel the need to justify my answer. We engage in pleasant conversation about Dr. Turd and carry about the rest of the visit. Turns out it was not indeed a spider bite, probably some sort of bite, but not anything that's going to turn into a major debilitation.